How to Maintain a Long Distance Relationship?
Long distance relationships are loved as well as hated, as many people have doubts on them and feel that they will never actually work out. Your best friends and family members are likely to advise you against it, as it can break your heart. Still, such relationships are inevitable for many – given that so many people are often on the move for education, work etc. While the extra distance can lead to complications, leaving you lonely and sad at times, it could also bring an element of sweetness into your relationship. Find out about the pros and cons of a long distance relationship, and tips on how to maintain it.
Pros long distance relationship
As opposed to popular notion, long distance relationships are not all about sadness and lonely hours. The longer distance can make even simple things much sweeter, and even small activities such as holding your lover’s hand, touching each other, smelling his / her hair, going for a walk or eating together can feel special and so much more. Find out about some of the advantages of relationships maintained over long distance:
Spending quality time together
As none of you can see each other as frequently as people in normal relationships do, you like to value your precious moments together and not waste them on fights and arguments. You can make the most of your moments with each other and live to the fullest.
Having enough to talk about
Meeting with each other every day and living in the same place means that you have less new things to talk about. When the two of you are in different locations with different activities and social circles, it is possible to have a lot to talk to each other and much to catch up on.
Maintaining your individual identities
When you live apart, you can maintain your individual identities. With both of you having a separate set of co-workers and friends and a lifestyle that is not related to others. Whether or not you are in a nice relationship, it is sensible to have your unique identity. This is possible with a long distance relationship.
Having your own space
There will never be the space issue, or the lack of private space, which is a big problem in many love relationships. When you are together, at home or outside, you can often find issues cropping up about your own space. However, when it comes to relationships maintained over extra distance, each of you can have your own space and freedom to do your own thing.
Appreciate the relationship even more
Living close to each other often makes people value their relationships less, and not appreciate the good things about their partner. They take their lovers for granted. A long distance makes you miss your lover and actually appreciate every single thing that he or she does for you.
Cons long distance relationship
The disadvantages of long distance relationships include the following:
When you are in a long distance relationship, there can be trust issues – at least in the early days. The fact that you do not know about the exact location of your lover, his or her activities, the kind of people your lover is with etc can fill you with insecurity and jealousy. This can result in arguments and fights.
Boredom in conversations
After some time, you can find it is no more exciting to have conversations on phone, Skype etc. You feel like that the talks have become more routine-like when you talk to each other every day. When you do things out of habit, it is never beneficial for a romantic relationship. After some time, you can find words losing their meaning. Until words are followed up with action, they lose their significance. When you are located far apart, you can find little action and activities actually occurring. This can bring an element of boredom into your relationship at some point.
More difficult to maintain the relationship
It is more difficult to sustain a relationship over a long distance as compared to a short one. Plenty of effort and hard work is required from both partners for making the bond work. Whether it comes to communication, finding time between work and other commitments or planning your schedule to meet with each other, continuous effort from both parties can make you fatigued.
Stagnation of relationship
With time, there is always the risk of everything fizzling out. When things become more and more mundane, relationships tend to reach a dead end. Over time, the frequency of calls, meetings and messages decrease and ultimately there comes a time when you do not even feel their absence. Your romantic actions become more of a habit than activities resulting from love.
How You Can Maintain a Long Distance Relationship?
Maintain mutual respect – Respect for each other is one of the most important things that are often ignored by couples. It is not only about long distance relationships but even general relationships. If you want to be respected, you have to give respect first. For example, if the two of you cannot come to a similar decision, it is better not to fight and one should follow the other. This should not be done every time, but at least some of the times. If you do not have a better idea than your partner, it is a good idea to do what he / she says. You have to find ways to do similar things and avoid fighting.
Maintain full honesty – No matter what kind of relationship you are in, short or long term, it is important to maintain complete honesty and transparency. This is more vital when you are isolated from each other by a long distance. The longevity of your relationship will depend a lot on the level of skills that both of you have, and you should honestly convey your feelings to your partner. Confide in him how much you can resolve any problems that can inevitably crop up.
Discuss each other’s lifestyle – You have to discuss the lifestyle of each other, and how you go through the entire day. Even small things such as what time you both get up from bed will suddenly appear to be of vital importance. Take out some time to discuss every single detail that might appear to be of little importance, but can be very important in ensuring the success of your long distance romance.
Choose a good mode of communication – The two of you will be away from each other, and you have to jointly decide what the mode of communication will be. You should take a decision about this before leaving, to avoid wasting time. If you have time, conduct regular communication. This will reduce your sense of absence of your lover.
Take your relationship beyond the honeymoon phase – Every relationship has a honeymoon phase, or a very pleasurable stage, at the beginning. You love your partner with all your heart and enjoy every moment that you spend together. However, that phase does not last for long and you soon begin to experience the loneliness that is a part of long distance dating.
Although you will possibly love your independence and the fact that you do not have to adjust time to meet with your lover, you can start to feel the absence. It is then that you have to be serious with your efforts and go that extra mile to do similar activities, communicate frequently and chat about more interesting stuffs to keep the fire burning.
Have proper discussions – Right from the beginning, it is good to accept that you cannot live in a bubble for a very long time. Your relationship must have a goal and it is good to have a thorough discussion on what your joint long term objectives should be and how you can ultimately live with, or at least close to, each other. You should invest some time for discussing your living situation, financial situation and general habits as well as your expectations from the relationship and how quickly you can move in with each other from the existing situation. Living close to each other will be almost like starting everything afresh.
Top 3 Bonus Tips To Help Maintain a Long Distance Relationship
When you are very serious about taking your long distance romance to the next level, these 3 tips will be vital.
Avoid excessive communication
It is never a good idea to be too much possessive and nagging. There is no need to actually have constant communication for 10 – 12 hours every day to maintain the relationship. Couples often have this wrong notion that communicating for more time will help them make up for the distance. The truth is exactly the opposite. Everyday needs space, and anything that becomes a routine and invades other aspects of life can soon lead to claustrophobia. When it comes to romance, less is often more.
However, even if you do not communicate constantly or even regularly, it is a must to wish each other “good night” and “good morning” every single day. Try to update your partner regularly about the things happening in your life, even those that otherwise seem mundane. Send short videos, pictures and audio clips of each other from time to time. With that kind of effort, you can make your partner feel loved and important.
Know about the schedules of each other
It will be useful to know when the two of you will be free to communicate, so that calls, messages etc can happen at the right time. You will not like to disturb your sweetheart in the middle of a crucial business meeting or halfway through his / her sleep. Keep in mind that there will be plenty of events in the life of both of you – such as school or college classes, college exams and mid terms, job interviews, business meetings and trips etc. Things can be more complicated if you love in a different time zone than that of your partner. Prior discussions and arrangements are necessary.
Knowing about each other’s schedules can help you to pick the best times to visit each other. Keep in mind that long distance relationships survive on the anticipation of meeting with one another, and letting the hair down after all the yearning, waiting and abstention. You can satisfy all the small things such as holding hands, kissing and more, which are common to couples living closer to each other.
Do things together
Try to do similar things at the same time, such as playing a game online together or watching videos of the latest movie trailers on Vimeo or YouTube. Use Skype to view and sing to one another. While making video calls to one another, walk together ‘outside’. Buy gifts or shop online at the same time. You need to be as spontaneous and ingenious about it as possible. Recommend movies, TV shows, books, news, music etc to one another. You can get more in common to discuss when you listen, read and watch the same things. It will be a good way to share your experiences and create wholesome memories even while living apart from each other.
Check the social media activities of each other, and post and comment on the pages of your partner. Like the photos of each other on Instagram and Facebook. Tag and tweet one another, share interesting photos and clips on walls. While this can look like stalking, it is about showing that you actually care. Be as cool as possible during social media interactions, but avoid writing or posting anything that can embarrass him / her.
Although long distance relationships need more attention and effort as compared to short distance dating relationships, having a relationship with a good, appropriate partner over long distance can be better than a bad, unsuitable one who lives closer to you. Putting in that extra bit of effort can make the relationship worthwhile. All you need is some planning, adjustments, forethought and the right expectations.
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